Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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