bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
