I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
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