mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize