Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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