I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
he just fucked me for my cheese..
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
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