It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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