Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
