you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
