I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
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