that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
So much rum. So many feels.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
