I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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