I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
from now on my penis is your penis
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
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