All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
