note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
