how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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