If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
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