before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
My boob is missing a layer of skin
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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