1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Randomize
