Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
I just had sex on a roof
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
