so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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