he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Randomize
