I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
