I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Randomize
