You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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