I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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