My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
Randomize
