i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
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