seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
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