you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize