And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Randomize
