Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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