I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
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