she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
what day is it and did you see me today?
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
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