we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Randomize
