Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
