Already got asked if we're dating
Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
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