i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
I can't turn off my feet"
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
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