If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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