He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
