He is such a slut. More and more my type.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
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