did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
