I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
