your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
