Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Randomize
