Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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