Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Randomize
