so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
