I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Blow job season was short but glorious.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Randomize
