PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
