if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
