my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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