I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
