i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
