maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Randomize