: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
