also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
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