mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Randomize
