i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Randomize
