so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Randomize
