you would pick up someone in the library
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Randomize
