girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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