Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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