Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Randomize
