are you still at the devil's house?
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Randomize
