Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
this is an emotional support booty call
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
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