Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Randomize
