I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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