so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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