Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
