Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize
