My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
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