Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
