I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
can u get pink eye on your cock?
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Randomize
