I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
